The Field Trip and Whitney Lee Milam

Dear Diary,

Guess who's being her inner nerd and watching YT vids of the one and only utterly amazing Whitney Lee Milam? Moi moi moi!!!

So, everyone, tomorrow's the big D A Y!! Knock yourselves out, it'll be downright awesome. W, I'm keeping my side of the promise. Meet'cha at Kracken and we'll have a blast at Manta. ; )

So the first vid LG posted of THG was the I Wanna Go Parody featuring (just guess) Whitney!! She was playing Katniss and LG's fav character you have heard of Joey, played Gale, while their friend Luke played Peeta.

That's where I somehow learned of Whitney, and I liked her SOO much better than Megan in The Arena one currently up at Random Ramblings (no offense!!).

So after looking for a while I found a YT vid by Whitney and I love her!!(Except when she cusses...)

Now all I can think about is Whitney Whitney Whitney!!!

I saw another THG vid by Whitney and Luke is such a better Peeta...

After watching all those crazy awesome vids about their little group thing I thought it would be awesome to start our only little YT thing!!

Of course when we're older and our parents allow us to show our faces.,.

That'd be crazy awesome!!!

So hope to see y'all on the field trip, Whitney Lee Milam is awesome!!!

Later and Love Ya!!

The Secret Nerd ( : D )


APA: 6:55 PM

March 27, 2012

Dear Diary,

Not much happened today.

Still tired from the trip and such.

Kinda have a hunch to a question I have.

Hoping Peeta and Dallas will remember the next practice.

Dreading my seats.

Can't wait for the field trip.

Learned I can continue The Hunger Games (Yay! I think...).

Still trying to figure out how to post YT vids on here...

Want to put my laptop ACTUALLY IN my room.

Bored...

Confusion with co-authors for new story.

Realization.

LYL,

------DO NOT CROSS------

*^"Under Transformation"^*

------DO NOT CROSS------

APA: 5:10 PM

The Hunger Games and Practice Time!!

Dear Diary,

I finally have practice at Nel's house. She's running an awesome blog, but it's exclusive to find so good luck with that!!

So everyone says Hunger Games this, Hunger Games that, blah blah blah. Then there's the whole talk about Peeta and Katniss and Gale.

"Oh, they are so cute together!!"

"Katniss shoulda been with Gale, Peeta sucks."

"This romance stuff is sappy."

"Team Gale! Team Gale!"

"Team Peeta! Team Peeta!"

"Wait, there are teams now?"

Seriously, people!! This isn't Twilight! Plus, how can I say "Team Finnick" when I have no clue who the world he is?!?!

After the book deal with Alex, I was forced to read the book while she read the first book of my old favorite series, The 39 Clues.

So here's the dealio: I honest to goodnessly, no matter what I've said, loved the book. By Chapter 2 you're already entranced.

But every single time I close my eyes at night all I see is the death of my favorite character, and then everything else bad comes rushing through. Sure I have a favorite part, but it seems the worst overcomes it.

Luckily, for me, reviews for the movie say it was less violent then the book. Although it also said kiddies under 12 should NOT watch the movie at ALL. (Yippee...)

*sigh* I don't even know whether or not I should continue... All I get is negative outcome and four of the six best friends I have vote against the Hunger Games...

That and I don't even know if Alex likes it or not!

Oops... Left out that detail... See, if both of us like the book we read both of us can continue. But if one of us doesn't like it...

You get my point. Alex hasn't said one utter murmur about the 39 Clues!!

Good bye, Hunger Games...

So far the first few moves of the dance I got pat down. I just have to learn a lot more...

Wish me luck with all I got, y'all. Hoping Peeta won't forget his guitar next week...

LYL <3,

~The Girl Under Transformation~

PS: LYL means Luv Y'all Lots

APT: 8:20 PM

PPS: APT means Actually Posted At

The Lost Get Found

Dear Diary,

Uh, if you know me, you know I've been faced with some choices for the talent show (will it ever end?).

So do you remember when I once said I sorta wanted to be with the Dancing Divas? I still do, but my answer was always that I could never betray W like that, even while feeling left out with the whole tricycle and then the unicycle (long story).

Yesterday I learned that I could be in two groups!! I thought. "awesome! I can finally fulfill my wish!"

Uh, no.

Now I'm just dead lost.

First of all, not all of the Dancing Divas want me in their group. I'm not calling any names, you know who you are.

Secondly, W won't let me, which just brings me to tears.

Look, W. I know you're reading this and I need you to hear me.

Nel told me everything you said and you guys were both being cold. I can't blame you though, things have always been heated. Why didn't you just talk to me? You upset me more then anything. What happened to being able to tell each other things with no regret?

I told you who I liked because I trusted you; I stopped mocking you of Dude; I left you and Kat alone for once.

We didn't talk today at all besides English where we're forced to sit next to each other. Even then they weren't exactly "nice" words. What happened to the thousands of words every day? Positive and encouraging?

Look, here's the truth: I can't be the real me with Repeat. I mean, I'm not saying I don't want to be in Repeat, just hear me out. I love being in Repeat, whether excluded or not. Repeat is one of the only things holding is together.

Truth be told, if I can't be myself, I'm not happy. I need to be free to be me. Today in Art I based my picture on a Pokémon and I couldn't be anymore happier. Happiness isn't everything, but it's nice to have a nice vibe goin' on.

I'm not the only one hurting, either. Someone I know misses her bestie Kat after your fellow flutist doesn't seem to pay much attention to her.

Our song says who says your not the only one who's hurting, and you can't doubt it because no one knows it better than you and I. I know for a fact you're hurting just as much as I am. We need to fix this, and NOT through emails.

You are the best friend who had stayed with me since kindergarden, the girl who had always been 30 seconds away. The one I would get in trouble talking to during class last year.

I wish I could have just one more moment of just us!!!

I'm lost... Then Britt Nicole reminded me how I can be found through.

The lyrics in her song tell everyone how all of us hit potholes in the road. If we have a strong faith in God alone, we will be found by Him. Not only that, but He'll even give us a free tire change, a new chance!!

I need to do both Repeat AND the Dancing Divas.

A special Bible teacher once told me that I made a commitment to Repeat. And I'm not breaking it... Even if I was kicked out already...

She also told me that if it's my choice and if I really want to I could join the Divas.

Maybe because I was never lost, but God was found.

I'm a secret seeker... ; ))

Love y'all and wish me luck!!

Yours Through Everything,

The Secret Seeker <3

8-D

My Purpose In The World

Dear Diary,

Long time no see... Heh heh... Yeh...

So... Good news? LG has herself a cell!! Lucky her... A nice, NEW cell phone to get...

Sorry, I pretty much lost my voice (again) and currently hating it.

Ah, well. Let's talk about Wednesday and practice, shall we... (I sound like an old person about to tell a story!)

K, first it all started when we went to get pizzas at Little Caesar's. I went in with Droplet, and Ann, Ms. Waller, Dallas, and W stayed in the car. I paid for the pizzas with the money Ms. Waller gave me then went in the car.

The two pizza boxes were so hot that when I gave them to Dallas and W, they burned their legs/lap!!

All I have to say is that I warned them...

We went home (W's house) and ate the pizzas, and during lunch Dude came.

Just during that event there was some screaming from Dallas and W. I just sat peacefully at the table somewhat texting LG and Alex.

Then we put Dallas' drum set together and THAT was awesome!! I'll post a pic lates when I receive it!! That took about forty minutes to put that together, and then we sorta started.

We did really well for the first time!! I should know, because I'm pretty much the only person who can hear it clearly, being the dancer in the background and all that.

Every time we played and messed up we were somewhat getting stronger and learning.

I, on the other hand, still have to choreograph a dance, so pray that God would help me, even if I don't want to.

Then all we did was play the last hour out on the swings in the back.

My tummy hurts from where Dallas stepped on it and I betcha Dude has a bruise...

From the amazing heart-wrenching lemon war!!

As y'all should be informed, the Wallers' have a lemon tree in their backyard. Not the small, puny lemons at the grocery store. The bigger than a grapefruit lemons!!

Dallas, as I call her, Destructive, picked up a lemon and, as Dude was walking behind her, threw it at Dude and nailed him right in the leg.

Falling to the ground, he picked up the lemon and threw it at Dallas. Then, he tried to throw it at W and failed miserably. I just sat on the swing the whole war.

Then, since they were yelled at, I moved over to the edge of the pool and then the Battle of Tennis and a Volleyball Balls began, with Team Peeta (off the Hunger Games) and The Girls Team (they were never officially named).

So then we went back to the swings and then Dallas' mum came.

The three went inside, but I didn't follow. I just stayed on the swing. I was told they called me in, but they did a lousy effort at trying to get me inside. They showed it to Dallas' mum without me.

I mean, I guess it's my fault for not coming in, but... My conscience is telling me not to tell you why I didn't go in...

Basically it's like me with the Circle of Six being the outsider and what not.

Which, by the way, was split up in half. Now we're just two triangles. Well, sometimes a square and a line.

I think I may just join the Divas or something.

But I can't now.

One, W would be mad at me forever.

Two, Repeat already started practicing (not that they need me too much).

Three, the Divas already started practicing.

And Four, I can't back down from a fight.

I wanna see the rainbow at the end of the battle. But I can't have a rainbow without any rain.

My pain is for a reason. I'm going to stay strong. Even though that may include some emotional suffering and physical pain dancing, I'm not backing down. What doesn't kill me is just making me stronger.

And that's my purpose in the world.

So... What's your's?

Trying Something New

Dear Diary,

Hi everyone...

So my family forced me into going to this small, new church which is really different from the big Christ Church.

The church is called Creekside Church. And tomorrow my dad is forcing me into going to my own service instead of going with them.

I hate it.

I make up excuses like, "oh, I understood it," and that I like listening to the worship music and what not.

I mean, the music part is true, but honestly I hate going to my own service!! I know D is gonna be there, but I guess I forgot to mention she's a year younger in fifth grade. AND, yes, there's an and, it's not just sixth grade, but the whole MIDDLE SCHOOL.

If you know me, you knew I was scared to death of middle school. Was still am, and always will be.

I just hate to be judged, you know? I never liked going because I was so sick of people forgetting my name, and I was invisible, and on and on and on.

Plus, the teachers are all up in your face and get all personal and stuff. I get tears every time because it seems no one has ever gone through what I've done.

I know I believe in God, I have a newfound strong faith, too, but this is just one of the things I can't handle doing.

Sure, I complain I'm invisible, but I sorta LIKE it like that.

This feels exactly like trying new food, doing new sports, overcoming fears, except a million timed worse.

I still gotta choreograph a dance, so I gotta go.

Email me advice and pray for me...

I really need it this time...

Luv y'all,

*•The Fearful One•*

More Detes of My Life at the Mo

Dear Diary,

Hey...

So W and I may be cool again, idk. I guess it depends in what genre you're looking in.

But I still have my doubts.

Here's my view of what will happen on Wednesday at practice:

Dude will be sitting on the couch like a log. W will be playing on her iPod and humming. Dallas will be chasing me around the house with a plastic knife. I will be screaming around the house in terror.

Please pray for me.

And, I don't know if I should dance, play the piano, or sing. LG and W told me I could sing, but I think not... Email me if you wanna hear it. All This Time by Britt Nicole, or What Can I Say by Shealeigh.

LG thought I was awesome; W thought I was amazing; I thought I was horrible.

Now this has nothing to do with self-confidence. After talking to Kat and having a stronger relationship with Him, that's been dealed with.

I feel lost when I'm around Dude, Dallas, and W. Probably will always be that way.

Eh, I guess if I want this to succeed I have to deal with it.

I don't wanna go to the song choices. Who Say's will be fine, I guess.

Gotta go choreograph, record, and sleep,

MCP @>--

PS: ALITTLEBIRDIEKNOWSWHOILIKE

TEE HEE!!

More Beautiful You

Dear Diary,

*cue music*

"little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
says she wants to look that way
but her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
and she's always felt over weight.

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
that beauty is within your heart
and you were made with such care your skin your body and you hair
are perfect just the way they are.

[chorus]
there could never be a more beautiful you
don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
you are made to fill a purpose that only you could do
so there could never be a more beautiful you."


.....

Hey everyone...

Every time I read this, it makes me feel happy... Sorta, away from the world.

I'm really sorry, everyone!! I've been stuck so deep in my own misery that I could barely see my own hand in front of my face!!!

But I do need y'all's help right now. So we're clear W DOES know about all this, right?

Uhh... I think I may become a Dancing Diva instead of a Repeat member...

Wait!! I mean, I don't mean it like that!!

You see, lately W has been acting as if this wasn't important to her. And I've been wanting to do this; I haven't danced in front of a crowd since two years ago...

Adding on, Dallas and Dude are HER friends; they were never mine. The three of them are awesome... I'm not.

Although I may not be dancing.

LG, I REALLY need your opinion here. W, you too. Check your emails for a recording of me singing I sent you.

I really want honest answers here. Can I sing or not?

Looking at the lyrics, I don't need to be popular to be in God's perfect plan. I even learned that from Kat!! Thanks, Kat, by the way.

All of y'all helped me in my hardest times even without knowing it and I can't thank you enough.

I love you guys and want you to remember you are more beautiful then ever. Outside, and in.

See y'all tomorrow (or Monday, depending when you read it),

MCP @>--