Welcome to Dear Diary.com

Here is one of the only places I can express myself and actually be ME. Hope you enjoy seeing the real me as much as I do.

Friday, February 24, 2012

This is Me

Dear Diary,

I need some help and need y'all to email me immediately after reading this.

My friend, Mackenzie's, birthday party is tomorrow, and we have to come dressed like ourselves with who we really are and stuff.

Kenz told me to wear the purple "Luv 4 Fashion" shirt I wore on my birthday...

But here's my confession: I don't wanna be a designer; a like clothes and like to mix-match them, but I would never want them as a living!!

Fashion is just a statement for me; it was never me in the first place!! People know me for what like I act to be, barely any of my friends have EVER seen my true self; Alex and A are the only ones who have seen my heart...

I honestly like the shirt, but... It's not me...

I need y'all to email or text me what I should do.

And here's my other problem; the talent show is also tomorrow and Mackenzie also thought I should do designer stuff. Again, was that ever the real me?

I love to dance, and really enjoy it, but no one knows the me that dances except my family. I wanna dance instead of "design", but... No one really gets me!! Plus, Kamm has "apparently" seen better with her friend Sara...

Sometimes I just want to yell out to the world: THAT'S NOT ME!! THIS IS ME.
Then make a list of who I really am.


Like... The one below.

• Pokémon Addict
• Love Predictor
• Sensitive
• Editor
• Doesn't Really Like Purses
• Easily Annoyed
• Tired of the Drama
• Scared to be Hurt Again
• Not What She Seems

……… I know... I'm not at all who I appeared to be. When Kenzie talked about fourth grade about Pokémon, Hartley, Nelly, and I and said it was "weird", it really... Really did hurt.

I would put some more about my outlook on W, but apparently she reads this more than anyone and it would make her feel even worse.

Please do contact me as soon as possible.

I want my carefree life back...

Missing Much,

*•The Real Me•*

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Everyday...

Dear Diary,

Remember the good ol' days when you would walk into science and Ms. Virgena would be singing the rockin' "Everyday, you bring your log book! Everday, you write in pen always!!"

*SIGH* You gotta love her...

So like this morning's post, I wonder about everyday.

Everyday is a different story. The friends you make, the right to be yourself. The betrayal, the wanting, even the romance.

Everyday, is a brand new day... To be who you want to be.

Show yourself!! Everyone has an inner personality. Show it through your outfit tomorrow. Everyday isn't a chance to dress to impress. There are days like that, but not tomorrow. Even if you don't want to dress down, I really do want to see the inner you!!

I'm not the girl I tried to be... I'm not the vain, commanding queen dying for attention. Not the cussing girl trying to be another popular.

I'm not anything like that, and I really want you to understand!! I am a geek. I love Pokémon, and always will. I could spend ten hours on my DSi, locked in my room, playing Pokémon on it. I actually have! I'm the kind of girl who secretly takes out her cards every so often, and dreams her herself to sleep, pretending she was in their world...

Tomorrow I'm just bringing out a pair of jeans, my fav shirt, and myself.

What are you gonna bring?

*•The Many Me's•*

"Embrace your awesomeness!" - Radio Rebel

Posted at: 9:25 PM

Time

Dear Diary,

It's 6:55 in the morning and as normal I'm writing this on my iPod. Sorry I didn't write last night; I tried watching this Criminal Minds show with my dad, but it scared me so bad and I couldn't sleep!!

Anyway, I always wonder why there IS time and who the world came up with it.

Like Ben Franklin- oops, nvm! LG doesn't like learning stuff, or she'll tune out.

Y'all contact me when someone finds out, I'm too lazy to check myself…

Going back to the topic, why do we have school in the morning? I mean, why did MMS have to add 20 EXTRA minutes of school?! That's my sleeping time!! Plus, nobody wanted it...

Why do we pray at night? God will help us with any plea or cry of help; we should pray through out the day.

Why is it that we go to the beach when the sun is the strongest and most dangerous? Ok, so even I do that, but we all are such dummies sometimes to put ourselves at risk like that!! Our body is the temple of the Lord; we need to treat it with care!!

Gotta go, love y'all!!

Wishing for the Best Time,

Miss Sleepy

"I am a friend of God, He calls me a friend!" - Phillips, Craig, and Dean

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Joy

Dear Diary,

Have you ever wondered why in the world we're in this world? I constantly go back and forth in this in my mind everday... Whether in W's van... To math class.

Here's a hint: whenever I'm really quiet or staring into space, I'm thinkin' 'bout it.

I've been abandoned a lot recently and wish that my life would reverse and I could go back to where there wasn't a care in the world!!

But you have to be aware that there are reasons to stay in this time!! Ways for you to find joy in this very moment!!

See, I'll start. I love my Pokémon!! That's probably the only reason I get up on Saturdays... But after the show ends, I'm asleep again...

Then there is my friends: LG, Destiny, Perfectionist, Uncle A, and even Nel, who, when gets mad, GETS MAD!! They keep me awake during classes. (where I'd rather much be asleep...)

There is no reason for you to live in the past. My friend, Destiny, just lost a friendship she realized she didn't want in the first place!! Leisa wasn't worth it. And yet, she's more content knowing she let go; just let it be how it was gonna end anyways. Plus, she already has new friends for the joy!!

If you already haven't, please read the post, "Beautiful". It is a message to all of ya'll...

Please pray for my friendships to heal, because with every word, W and I are falling farther away.

Oh, and for LG to get better. ;))

Love ya'll,

*•The Real Me•*
"Sometimes God puts incidents in our lives in hopes you will turn to Him in your despair. What God allows in your life is always for a purpose." - Kat Baker

Actually Posted At:

9:47 AM

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Rewinding Time

Dear Diary,

Hey everybody!! Some of ya'll are really slow readers (...), and the post before this is an important message for everyone. I need everyone to read it.

To the right of your computer, laptop, or iPod, there should be some sorta folder thingy that says 2012. Click or press that, and scroll down once it loads.

If you want, you can read all the posts. The times are not accurate, by the way.

Love you all, Happy Valentine's Day!!! <3

Yours,

*•The Real Me•*

"I am surrounded by angels, but I call them friends."

Monday, February 13, 2012

Beautiful

Dear Diary,

Hey everybody!! I'm back... Did you miss me? Probably not.

As promised, here's your special inside scoop at practice:

I'm in a group for the talent show and the group is called Repeat. It is made out of W, Dude, and I, and possibly Pierce and Dallas depending on what happens.

Since we aren't fully joined yet, it was just Dude, W, and I on Sunday at W's house. We had two hours to practice low and behold (I totally saw this coming) we were distracted.

The first hour contained awkward moments (not mine, W and Dude's), fishy fights, calling to be saved (that was just me to Droplet, W's sweet, lil' sis), dances alone (also just me), random conversations, belt whips, secret love, annoyance, yelling, and laziness.

After that miserable hour of W and Dude destruction (ok, maybe me a little, but I was the most serious), I threatened to leave (I could have left in the first place, my house is a bike ride away).

Apparently, that was somehow important to W and she yelled at Dude to start playing his, in i-quote, "Guitar thingy. Yeah, she's not the best in grammer...

So then we finally practiced, and I left really sad (W, if you were wondering why I got out so quickly) and as I said, a bike ride, and my heart ached leaving.

If they were gonna treat this as some sorta joke and sit there, it's not worth my time and nervousness.

If I wanted to dance, I coulda' joined the Divas but I made my desicion with W. and if she's just not gonna use it, I guess Repeat won't have a dancer...

And then there's W's email blog, and today's made me feel absolutely horrible; as if everything she types is pointed directly at me!

So then I remembered one of my favorite songs...

It is called Beautiful by Christina Aguilara and it reminds how I can't let things like that push me down, even when I am weak. The song shows how we might not be beautiful on the outside like me, but the inside is God's own marvelous creation.

When you call yourself ugly, you are calling God the same for we are made in God's image and nothing can change that, especially imperfect you.

... Remember yesterday's? How I told you to make a move? My heart now feels it is somewhat connected.

I've seen a quote that said, "You cannot change a person, but the things you do can change them."

So take a stand! Make a wave, like in that weird friends for change song!! You could be that little pebble that causes a wave bigger than the world!

Do it; I dare you.

Make a wave and remember:

You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down... No... You are beautiful, in every single way... So don't let anyone, bring you down today...

I just wanted to remind you that you can make a difference! Sometimes, you just need to try!!

Thanks to the support I got, my most favorite blog is staying alive!!!!!

Oh, and LG? I did smile! Whenever I'm around you, the sun shines a little brighter and you make me feel beautiful, even when I think not!!

Popularity doesn't matter to me any more.

Which means I am free to say that I have a secret Pokémon obsession, just like 4th grade, except a ton bigger now!!

For my next b-day, Pokémon stuff, please!!

Thanks, everyone, for playing a big roll in my life! You made me, me!!

I love you all, and Happy V-Day!!! <3


Yours Forever and Ever,

*•The Real Me•*


"Sometimes you need to runaway; just to see who will follow you."

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Dare You to Move

Dear Diary,

Ok, so I admit I've already done this through email, but I honest-to-goodnessly think no one even CARED about that email. Ok, maybe dear Kat, but nobody else besides her.

Look, I'm serious here. As serious as when I feel like an outsider with Dude and W (and that's dead serious!!) Btw, speaking of W and Dude, that's tomorrow's post.

Yeah, you heard me!

Sunny's off of her vacation!!!!!

Over the weekend, I realized that I can't stay inside my shell forever. Growing is changing and everybody needs change every once in a while. Also, life just wouldn't be right without Random Ramblings there, and EVERYBODY should know that!! I'm really sorry I let ya'll down. I guess I just let my emotions get the best of me.

As you've read from LG's latest post, Random Ramble... Is going to be demolished soon...

So this is where all my friends and fellow followers take a stand!!

I dare you to move! It's your job to make sure that doesn't happen! Comment and email! It needs to be done, and someone needs to do it.

This is something that needs to be done everday. From a simple compliment, to a long validation you could make someone's day just like that.

Please do what's needed and do it now!!!

Do it for me.

Yours,

*•The Secret Source•*
"Just do it."

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Why?

Dear Diary,

I have no excuse. I'm only writing this post, because the one reason I created this blog was for my own personal outlet. Mostly emotional because with the friends I have, there's ALWAYS drama.

For about an hour, I've been sitting in my room with the lights off, door locked, music playing, and me crying in my pillow. Hard.

I'm sick and tired of all my friend drama!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder if I even have those people as friends!!!!

The friends that I'm really loyal to are Hail, Perfectionist, and Uncle A. Sometimes I include LG and Nel, but sometimes I just can't. They just don't take me seriously, and probbably never will when they're in their happy, random ice cream/puppy dog mood.

And sometimes I have all these why questions that I need solved. Here comes my emotional stuff...

Why can't I be popular?

Why can't my friends go one hundred years without drama?

Why can't the world be absolutely perfect?

Why do my friends hurt me and scar me deep?

Why are Nel and LG random?

Why do I like the person I like?

Why did I have to be born?

Why am I where I am?

Why did W tell me last? Does she not trust me enough as much as she does Amy?

Why can't I be perfect?

Why am I crying?

Why can't I have a love life like W?

Why am I not pretty?

Why can't I be the geek I am at home at school?

Why does Playa hate me?

Why is Ann annoying?

Why do my parents yell at me?

Why at times does it seem that the only things that love me are God and my dog?

Why are boys so strange?

Why is my life so hard?

Why can't I be normal?


- - -

So you get my point. I promise you I'm crying right now, and hating my life...

Why, why, why?

... I... I'm actually taking a break from my online diary... A long break...

I'm sorry... I hope you can forgive me when I come back, if I ever do...

Good bye the people who even care to read my life.

Why, why, why,

*•The Secret Source•*
"Why?"


Actually Posted At:

7:18 PM on Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Nervousness...

Dear Diary,

Nervousness... Nervousness...

*bites nails*

Umm... Explanation? The MMS (my middle school) Talent Show Auditions is already a few days away, and I'm TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!!!!!

W and I are singing to an awesome song called Live Like There's No Tomorrow.

Check it out!



It's an awesome song and all that, but how the heck am I supposed to sing in front of hundreds of people?!?!?!

I can barely Stand up the courage to sing for auditions!!!

Please help me!

Nervousness... Nervousness...


To be continued... Where hopefully I'll still have my nails...

*•The Secret Source•*
"Nervousness..."

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

"Add Your Name Here"-Itis

Dear Diary,

Today was a half day since it was the first of the month, as ya'll should know.

Today we had Schedule B so we had our last eh, 4 periods? So that means we had art!!!

Art is our last class (Perfectionist, Hail, Nel, LG, and I, I mean). As normal, Nel is painting on someone, Hail is WAY ahead, LG is talkin' bout something with Perfectionist, Perfectionist is laughing her guts out, and I'm sitting with Nel trying to catch up.

One day we were working on a ton of value (pretty much shading) and the way Perfectionist holds her pencil, she got a bunch of smeared pencil lead on that one side of her right hand for like, however long she was doing that project.

Nel, LG, and I (not Hail, like I said she barely talks) started calling it a horrible disease known as "Perfectionist-itis". And it stuck like that.

Two, three projects later, we had to use paint for a project needing black, white, the rainbow, and any colors in between. The first phase was the black and white, and the second was the rainbow colors.

So anyway, apparently Perfectionist said she hated the color pink, and Nel was in her "I'm exited enough to do stuff to you" mood and she was on phase two. I just happened to be on phase one, and Nel stole some white from my paint tray, mixing it with some of her red.

Voila! Pink.

Guess what happened next?

Yeh, Nel started painting Perfectionist.

Alas, the day the disease "Nellie-itis" was discovered!

Yeah. And that's a normal day in art!!

So whatever you seem to do, accident or on purpose, creates some sort of disease-itis.

*sigh* I love my friends.

Until the next art class,

*•The Secret Source•*
"Nel, stop painting me!!"


Actually Posted at 7:31 PM