This is Me

Dear Diary,

I need some help and need y'all to email me immediately after reading this.

My friend, Mackenzie's, birthday party is tomorrow, and we have to come dressed like ourselves with who we really are and stuff.

Kenz told me to wear the purple "Luv 4 Fashion" shirt I wore on my birthday...

But here's my confession: I don't wanna be a designer; a like clothes and like to mix-match them, but I would never want them as a living!!

Fashion is just a statement for me; it was never me in the first place!! People know me for what like I act to be, barely any of my friends have EVER seen my true self; Alex and A are the only ones who have seen my heart...

I honestly like the shirt, but... It's not me...

I need y'all to email or text me what I should do.

And here's my other problem; the talent show is also tomorrow and Mackenzie also thought I should do designer stuff. Again, was that ever the real me?

I love to dance, and really enjoy it, but no one knows the me that dances except my family. I wanna dance instead of "design", but... No one really gets me!! Plus, Kamm has "apparently" seen better with her friend Sara...

Sometimes I just want to yell out to the world: THAT'S NOT ME!! THIS IS ME.
Then make a list of who I really am.


Like... The one below.

• Pokémon Addict
• Love Predictor
• Sensitive
• Editor
• Doesn't Really Like Purses
• Easily Annoyed
• Tired of the Drama
• Scared to be Hurt Again
• Not What She Seems

……… I know... I'm not at all who I appeared to be. When Kenzie talked about fourth grade about Pokémon, Hartley, Nelly, and I and said it was "weird", it really... Really did hurt.

I would put some more about my outlook on W, but apparently she reads this more than anyone and it would make her feel even worse.

Please do contact me as soon as possible.

I want my carefree life back...

Missing Much,

*•The Real Me•*

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

Joy

Dear Diary,

Have you ever wondered why in the world we're in this world? I constantly go back and forth in this in my mind everday... Whether in W's van... To math class.

Here's a hint: whenever I'm really quiet or staring into space, I'm thinkin' 'bout it.

I've been abandoned a lot recently and wish that my life would reverse and I could go back to where there wasn't a care in the world!!

But you have to be aware that there are reasons to stay in this time!! Ways for you to find joy in this very moment!!

See, I'll start. I love my Pokémon!! That's probably the only reason I get up on Saturdays... But after the show ends, I'm asleep again...

Then there is my friends: LG, Destiny, Perfectionist, Uncle A, and even Nel, who, when gets mad, GETS MAD!! They keep me awake during classes. (where I'd rather much be asleep...)

There is no reason for you to live in the past. My friend, Destiny, just lost a friendship she realized she didn't want in the first place!! Leisa wasn't worth it. And yet, she's more content knowing she let go; just let it be how it was gonna end anyways. Plus, she already has new friends for the joy!!

If you already haven't, please read the post, "Beautiful". It is a message to all of ya'll...

Please pray for my friendships to heal, because with every word, W and I are falling farther away.

Oh, and for LG to get better. ;))

Love ya'll,

*•The Real Me•*
"Sometimes God puts incidents in our lives in hopes you will turn to Him in your despair. What God allows in your life is always for a purpose." - Kat Baker

Actually Posted At:

9:47 AM

Beautiful

Dear Diary,

Hey everybody!! I'm back... Did you miss me? Probably not.

As promised, here's your special inside scoop at practice:

I'm in a group for the talent show and the group is called Repeat. It is made out of W, Dude, and I, and possibly Pierce and Dallas depending on what happens.

Since we aren't fully joined yet, it was just Dude, W, and I on Sunday at W's house. We had two hours to practice low and behold (I totally saw this coming) we were distracted.

The first hour contained awkward moments (not mine, W and Dude's), fishy fights, calling to be saved (that was just me to Droplet, W's sweet, lil' sis), dances alone (also just me), random conversations, belt whips, secret love, annoyance, yelling, and laziness.

After that miserable hour of W and Dude destruction (ok, maybe me a little, but I was the most serious), I threatened to leave (I could have left in the first place, my house is a bike ride away).

Apparently, that was somehow important to W and she yelled at Dude to start playing his, in i-quote, "Guitar thingy. Yeah, she's not the best in grammer...

So then we finally practiced, and I left really sad (W, if you were wondering why I got out so quickly) and as I said, a bike ride, and my heart ached leaving.

If they were gonna treat this as some sorta joke and sit there, it's not worth my time and nervousness.

If I wanted to dance, I coulda' joined the Divas but I made my desicion with W. and if she's just not gonna use it, I guess Repeat won't have a dancer...

And then there's W's email blog, and today's made me feel absolutely horrible; as if everything she types is pointed directly at me!

So then I remembered one of my favorite songs...

It is called Beautiful by Christina Aguilara and it reminds how I can't let things like that push me down, even when I am weak. The song shows how we might not be beautiful on the outside like me, but the inside is God's own marvelous creation.

When you call yourself ugly, you are calling God the same for we are made in God's image and nothing can change that, especially imperfect you.

... Remember yesterday's? How I told you to make a move? My heart now feels it is somewhat connected.

I've seen a quote that said, "You cannot change a person, but the things you do can change them."

So take a stand! Make a wave, like in that weird friends for change song!! You could be that little pebble that causes a wave bigger than the world!

Do it; I dare you.

Make a wave and remember:

You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down... No... You are beautiful, in every single way... So don't let anyone, bring you down today...

I just wanted to remind you that you can make a difference! Sometimes, you just need to try!!

Thanks to the support I got, my most favorite blog is staying alive!!!!!

Oh, and LG? I did smile! Whenever I'm around you, the sun shines a little brighter and you make me feel beautiful, even when I think not!!

Popularity doesn't matter to me any more.

Which means I am free to say that I have a secret Pokémon obsession, just like 4th grade, except a ton bigger now!!

For my next b-day, Pokémon stuff, please!!

Thanks, everyone, for playing a big roll in my life! You made me, me!!

I love you all, and Happy V-Day!!! <3


Yours Forever and Ever,

*•The Real Me•*


"Sometimes you need to runaway; just to see who will follow you."